Weekend at Jaylynn's
by Clubhouse Treats
Summary: Anja enlists a reluctant Jaylynn to help take care of Lynne when she comes down with the chicken pox, but when the two start to bond, it might lead to them finally putting aside their differences. Meanwhile, RK and Bitch Clock bet each other to see who can last longer without their favorite thing: RK without television, or Bitch Clock without alcohol.
1. Weekend at Jaylynn's Script

_Thank You, Heavenly_

Theme Song: "Let It Roll" by Divide the Day

SEASON 8

EPISODE 10

Airdate: December 15, 2019

"Weekend at Jaylynn's"

Special Guest Stars: Kira Kosarin as Lynne

_#TYH811_

SCENE 1

The Saleh Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

_As Jaylynn walks out of the kitchen drinking a glass of juice, Lynne walks towards her._

LYNNE: Out the way.

_Lynne shoves Jaylynn to the side, causing her to fall on the floor and the juice to spill._

JAYLYNN: Yo, what the hell is your problem?!

LYNNE: I'm doing you a favor. It's bad enough that you come here and put your crusty pink lips on our glasses. At least now, you won't contaminate anything.

JAYLYNN: You know, a couple years ago, I used to think you were just kinda annoying. I actually thought you would change. But no, you never learned anything. You just became a bigger and bigger piece of shit until the monstrosity I see right here.

LYNNE: Really? I always knew you were a piece of shit. You just kept proving me right.

JAYLYNN: Maybe my sneakers up your ass will prove you more right.

_At that point, Anja walks downstairs. _

ANJA: If you guys are gonna fight, could you please do it outside? Last week, it took me a half hour to clean up the place.

LYNNE: You're not gonna stop us from fighting?

ANJA: Why bother? It's the same thing every time. "Oh no, Lynne said something mean. Oh no, Jaylynn said something back. What are they gonna do next? Oh God."

JAYLYNN: Our hatred is a little more complex than that.

LYNNE: Yeah, Jaylynn starts it sometimes.

ANJA: Eh, nobody cares. I had to accept a long time ago that you two are always going to be enemies. You're like one of those really old shows that just keep going and going with new episodes, but they always have the same plot. Which one? _Friends_? Yeah, you're just as repetitive as them.

JAYLYNN: Anja, there hasn't been a new _Friends _episode in years.

LYNNE: Yeah, you're thinking of reruns, sweetie.

ANJA: Reruns! That's it! See, this is why TV isn't for me.

SCENE 2

The MacDougal Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

_That night, Sparky, Buster, RK, and Wade are watching TV when Bitch Clock runs to the couch._

BITCH CLOCK: Did it start yet?! Did it start?!

SPARKY: No, Bitch Clock, it hasn't started yet. It's about to.

BITCH CLOCK: Great.

WADE: What are you so excited about?

BITCH CLOCK: Oh, you'll see.

VOICEOVER: We'll be back with _Washington State Fight Night _after these paid for messages.

BITCH CLOCK: Here it comes!

_("Yah Mo B There" by James Ingram featuring Michael McDonald plays in the background of the commercial)_

_On the TV, people are depicted doing everyday activities: A man dressed in a suit and tie and holding a briefcase is checking his watch as he leaves his house, kids are being led across the street by a crossing guard on their way to school, women are getting their hair and nails done at the salon, and some college-age kids are getting hot dogs from a sidewalk vendor. The commercial cuts to a bunch of sweaty construction workers, tired and looking around for a drink in the cooler, but they are unable to find one that they like._

VOICEOVER: When you're looking for a pick me up to get you through the day, you can't just pick any old beer. You need the beer that brings God straight to your mouth. Introducing McDaniels Malt Liquor. Smooth, not rough. Crisp and clean with just a touch of caffeine. And the kind of flavor that even makes people at AA meetings want a taste.

_"Yah Mo B There" continues playing as the construction workers chug bottles and cans of McDaniels Malt Liquor, and it compels them to start doing an intricate, choreographed dance routine while girls in bikinis and football players join them. The commercial then cuts to two men on the side of the road dressed like federal agents. They drink McDaniels and begin doing karate moves out of nowhere. Finally, the commercial cuts to a close-up of a McDaniels can on a stool in front of a black backdrop, with the taglines "When Thirst Calls" and "Coming Soon" in white lettering on the side._

VOICEOVER: McDaniels Malt Liquor. God's calling, and He's saying the wait is over.

RK: This is one of those times where I wouldn't feel bad if I was dead.

BITCH CLOCK: Of course, you would think that way. This is huge.

WADE: Why do a malt liquor commercial? I thought those went extinct years ago.

BITCH CLOCK: They're making a long-awaited comeback. Only this time, they're trying to appeal more to white people.

WADE: By playing 80s R&B?

BITCH CLOCK: White people listen to 80s R&B too!

RK: Is this really what gets you up in the morning? The debut of more alcohol that will keep you from helping society?

BITCH CLOCK: Listen, youngin, maybe you're too underdeveloped to get it, but the release of a new beer is like Christmas to alcoholics. Back in the day, it would be like when a new album came out. Do you understand how important an event like this is?

RK: No, because I would probably kill myself if this is all I had to look forward to.

BITCH CLOCK: You have _nothing_ to look forward to! All you do is watch the same five or six shows that stopped running years ago.

RK: Hey, don't come after my sitcoms, they're all legendary! Besides, TV brings people together. What can alcohol do?

BITCH CLOCK: The fact that you're asking that lets me know you're getting no play in college. Or high school, for that matter.

BUSTER: I mean, if he stays active and watches what he eats, RK will get all the play he wants. _*to Wade* _The nerve of this guy, right?

SPARKY: Okay, maybe there's something else on.

RK: You know what I think? You need alcohol to function. Without it, you're just some bummy loser that would be hanging out near the corner store reminiscing about your shitty childhood.

BITCH CLOCK: Those corner store bums have stories! How dare you? And I bet without TV, you would blow your brains out in a second.

RK: Please, I have willpower. Your body can't go without that junk.

BITCH CLOCK: Alright, kid, you wanna bet?

SPARKY: No, he doesn't.

WADE: He absolutely doesn't.

RK: I sure do, bitch boy.

SPARKY: And he does it.

WADE: It's been done.

BITCH CLOCK: Then it's settled. We both give up the things we cherish the most in this world. I stop drinking, you stop watching TV. And we'll see who cracks first.

RK: Man, it's gonna feel so damn good watching you crack.

BITCH CLOCK: I'm a grown man, I crack people's skulls. You're a fragile-ass kid with the exterior of fine china.

RK: The minute you can't run to the liquor store, you'll have to start _smoking _crack just to deal with it.

BUSTER: You guys have to admit, the trash talk is pretty good.

SCENE 3

The Hernandez Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

_The next morning, Jaylynn is getting ready for school when Anja walks in._

ANJA: Jaylynn, we have a problem.

JAYLYNN: Yeah, this sounds serious. You never come see me before school, you think it's bad luck.

ANJA: Well, today, I'll take that chance. Lynne has chicken pox.

JAYLYNN: Chicken pox? Are you sure? We just saw each other yesterday, how'd that happen?

ANJA: I don't know. She woke up this morning, called me from her place, and said she had these red, itchy spots on her arms. I went over there, checked it out, and she has it.

JAYLYNN: Anja, just because you go on WebMD for five minutes, doesn't mean your sister is sick with something.

ANJA: I had the same symptoms when I got chicken pox. And why are you questioning this? I thought you would be happy my sister was sick.

JAYLYNN: I wanna be, but I feel like there's some catch. Otherwise, why else would you be here?

ANJA: Yeah, there is.

JAYLYNN: See, nothing f***ing surprises me anymore.

ANJA: I think it would be a good idea if you helped me take care of Lynne.

JAYLYNN: You know something, Anj? That's a great idea. I was just thinking about how much I'm dying to take care of your little sister. And later, I'm going to walk into traffic and hope a big truck comes to run me over.

ANJA: Your sarcasm isn't cute. Look, I know this is the last thing you would ever want to do...

JAYLYNN: Dead last.

ANJA: ...but since you've had chicken pox before, you'll know the best way to heal up. You know, show her what she's not supposed to do.

JAYLYNN: No chance in hell. What about her loser friends? They can't help her?

ANJA: None of them have had chicken pox.

JAYLYNN: So? That doesn't mean it's up to me. Get them to wear hazmat suits, have them call up _their _loser friends, I have a lot of Jaylynn stuff this week.

ANJA: Bro, please. I'm asking as your best friend, the person who knows how great you are when it comes to situations like this.

JAYLYNN: I mean, I guess I'm pretty chill when the pressure hits. Okay, Anja, because I'm completely insane, I'll help you take care of that idiot. But I have demands.

ANJA: Sure.

JAYLYNN: I'm writing up a list of ground rules that Lynne has to follow. I don't care if her temperature is 110 degrees and she's blowing chunks, she follows them or I'm out.

ANJA: Okay.

JAYLYNN: I get paid ten dollars for every day I lower myself by doing this.

ANJA: Got it.

JAYLYNN: And also...no, that's it. Wait, that's not it. Scratch the ten dollars, $25.50 or I walk.

_Anja gives Jaylynn an annoyed look._

JAYLYNN: Ugh, you're so stiff, man. I'm cool with the ten dollars. For now.

_Anja's annoyed look turns to a bored look._

SCENE 4

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Lunchroom

Seattle, Washington

_The kids are eating lunch and discussing the episode's events up to this point._

JAYLYNN: Wait a minute. You bet Bitch Clock that you can last longer without TV than he can last without drinking?

RK: Indeed. Well, he laid down the challenge, I just picked it up without hesitation like the fighter I am.

JAYLYNN: Dude, I say this with all due respect, but you can't win. Taking TV away from you is like taking racism away from a Klansman.

WADE: We tried getting him to back out last night, but we couldn't convince him.

RK: You know, it's a really sad day when my own friends don't have faith in me. Bitch Clock is an alcoholic. Do you know how psycho he's going to get without drinking beer in the morning? Going down to that Irish bar or wherever he goes to have a drink? He'll crack in less than a week.

SPARKY: I see what you mean, RK, but if there's one thing Bitch Clock loves more than drinking, it's proving people wrong. He's giving up his livelihood just so you can admit he's better than you.

RK: That makes two of us. Your little alarm clock bet the wrong guy. I've had my back against the wall more times than I can count, and I've always made it out alive. This will be no different.

BUSTER: Maybe if you guys call off the bet, you could settle things on _Fight Night_. That would be a great match.

RK: Eh, I'm not in boxing shape right now. Bring that up again in a year.

SPARKY: So, Jaylynn, anything new to talk about?

JAYLYNN: Well, Lynne has chicken pox, and because Anja doesn't want me to enjoy a good thing, I have to help take care of her.

BUSTER: Man, that's f***ed up.

WADE: Yeah, you and Lynne hate each other. How does Anja think that's going to work?

JAYLYNN: I have no idea. That's why I'm taking precautions. I'm working on a list of ground rules that Lynne has to follow. If she doesn't, I don't have to take care of her anymore.

RK: That's genius. Take the situation and control it before it controls you.

JAYLYNN: Exactly. And I get ten dollars a day.

RK: And you're getting paid on top of that? This sounds like a Jaylynn Hernandez signature moment.

JAYLYNN: It does? You know what? Forget what I said before. Bitch Clock's going down. You show that wino who's boss.

RK: That's what I'm talking about.

_RK and Jaylynn high-five from across the table._

SCENE 5

The Saleh Apartment

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

_After school, Lynne is drinking a glass of orange juice while Anja rubs her shoulders._

ANJA: How are you feeling?

LYNNE: I never felt better. You know something? Chicken pox is a pussy disease. I'll be back in school in no time.

ANJA: Really? How many fingers am I holding up?

LYNNE: That's easy, four.

ANJA: I never put up any fingers.

LYNNE: That's because you covered my eyes.

ANJA: No, I didn't.

LYNNE: Yeah. You _would _say that.

_At that point, Jaylynn walks into the apartment._

LYNNE: Anja, don't be scared, but I think a big-ass cockroach just crawled in here.

ANJA: That's Jaylynn, man. Remember what I said about her coming over?

LYNNE: Oh, I didn't forget. It's just hard for me to separate Jaylynn from cockroaches most of the time.

_Beat._

JAYLYNN: Yeah, so I have these ground rules that I took the time to write up. Here's the deal: You follow every single rule I wrote down to the letter, or I'm never taking care of you again.

LYNNE: Is that a promise?

JAYLYNN: Are you testing me? Anja, she's testing me, I didn't come here for an examination.

ANJA: Lynne, stop testing Jaylynn. She's only here to help you.

JAYLYNN: Now, read this. If there's any words you can't understand, it's not my fault your brain is the size of a pinto bean.

_Jaylynn gives Lynne the ground rules, and she rubs her eyes in an attempt to read them._

LYNNE: "Don't breathe near me." Bitch, are you stupid? How can I stop breathing?

JAYLYNN: There's a meaning behind that. Your hot breath has a tendency to get in my face and I can smell everything you ate. If you want my help, then change it.

LYNNE: "Don't insult my physical appearance." Okay, so I can make fun of you for being the lamest person that ever lived?

JAYLYNN: If you want. Just know that calling me ugly is just you being a hater.

LYNNE: "Don't start rambling about your life at school. Nobody cares about that shit, not even you." So I can't talk about my friends or my homework?

JAYLYNN: To Anja, you can. But to me, hearing your stories is like watching some crappy teen drama on CW. Only difference is, people get paid to write those stories.

_Jaylynn cackles and slaps her knee, then runs her hand through her hair._

LYNNE: You're not funny. Nothing you've ever said in your damn life has been funny.

JAYLYNN: I'm a lot funnier than you, child.

LYNNE: No, you're not. The only time you're funny is when you're getting hurt.

ANJA: The good news is, she's following the ground rules! How about them apples?

SCENE 6

The MacDougal Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

_Sparky is watching TV when Bitch Clock walks in carrying bags._

BITCH CLOCK: _Au revoir_.

SPARKY: Doesn't that mean "goodbye" or something?

BITCH CLOCK: Probably. But I never took French class so who gives a damn?

SPARKY: Where have you been anyway?

BITCH CLOCK: Eh, you know. Just doing a little grocery shopping.

SPARKY: You've never done grocery shopping.

BITCH CLOCK: There's a first time for everything.

SPARKY: Let me see the bags.

BITCH CLOCK: I don't think so.

_Sparky pushes Bitch Clock down and begins checking his shopping bags._

BITCH CLOCK: You know, in some neighborhoods, this is usually what people do before they kill you. I don't need you picking up those habits.

SPARKY: Are you kidding me? Beer? Dude, the bet was your idea and you're already calling it off?

BITCH CLOCK: That's not beer, man. That's near beer.

SPARKY: Near beer? What's a near beer?

BITCH CLOCK: It's beer with no alcohol whatsoever. Soccer moms drink it so they can pretend like they still party. The good news is, the bet's still on because I can't get drunk off this crap.

SPARKY: Aren't there some drinks that don't make you drunk?

BITCH CLOCK: Well, yeah, but I have to keep things fair for RK. You know, in spite of my incredible ability to hold my liquor. I've never tried these before, so here we go.

_Bitch Clock takes a bottle of near beer, opens it, and begins drinking it._

SPARKY: So how does it taste?

BITCH CLOCK: I think this is the reason the suicide rate is increasing every year. Sparky, what am I doing? Me and alcohol have been a married couple since ninth grade. I can't just divorce it, even if it's only temporary.

SPARKY: Too bad. You decided to challenge RK, so you get what you get. Look at it this way: He's suffering just as much as you are.

BITCH CLOCK: Really? I mean, I hate the kid, but he does have something to prove.

SPARKY: Believe me, he's no different from you. He's in love with TV, he's probably losing his mind not getting to watch his favorite shows.

SCENE 7

The Jennings Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

_RK is reading a book on the couch as KG heads to the kitchen. He stops, turns his head, and walks over to the couch._

KG: What's going on here? Is hell freezing over?

RK: What makes you say that?

KG: It's at night, and instead of watching TV, you're over here reading? You lose a bet or something?

RK: Actually, I'm in the middle of a bet. Bitch Clock challenged me. He told me he could last longer without alcohol than I could last without TV. So for the next couple days, I'm shutting off the screens.

KG: He really bet you? You should have just told him no. It would be like beating down a homeless guy with a bad knee.

RK: I mean, I'm a fair person. I don't have a problem indulging him until he loses his mind at the bar. But I gotta say, this "no TV" thing isn't so bad.

KG: Really? Are you lying to me just so you can look like a big man?

RK: No, I'm serious. Take this book for instance. It's loaded with all sorts of history. Did you know in 1938, Gabby Hartnett's walkoff home run helped the Cubs win the National League pennant? It was called the "Homer in the Gloamin'."

KG: Who gives a f*** about Gabby Hartnett?

RK: See, you wouldn't be asking that if you cared about history. This is what the school system should be teaching us.

KG: Sure. I'm going to get a soda, but I hope you beat that dumb clock.

RK: Don't worry, it will be over in a few days. _RK continues reading his book. _Oh, so it wasn't this game where the Cubs won the pennant, but it was a contributing factor. Damn, I love history.

SCENE 8

_(Big Time Rush's cover of The Beatles' "Help!" plays in the background) _

_The montage shows Jaylynn and Anja's struggles to help Lynne get over her chicken pox. The biggest issue during treatment is Lynne's repeated attempts to scratch herself, despite the girls trying to keep her from doing so. At one point, Jaylynn tries putting calamine lotion on Lynne's body to help relieve the itchy spots, but Lynne starts screaming at Jaylynn and choking her, then tosses her to the other side of the room so she can resume scratching. Anja later tries making a bath for Lynne with colloidal oatmeal, but Lynne begins acting like a cat in her attempts to avoid going in the bath. Jaylynn then forces her inside and begins fantasizing about what would happen if she started drowning Lynne. Anja takes a needle and pops Jaylynn's thought bubble, and Jaylynn begins wondering how she was even able to see it. At night, the girls take turns reading bedtime stories to Lynne, and every night, she gives them a list of notes about their performance. One night, Lynne gives Jaylynn three whole pages of notes, which causes Jaylynn to try attacking her but Anja prevents it from happening._

SCENE 9

The MacDougal Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

_One day, Jaylynn is talking to Sparky on the couch._

JAYLYNN: And now, she wants me to take care of Lynne by myself at my place for the weekend.

SPARKY: Damn. Why doesn't she just stick freshly sharpened pencils right in your eyes?

JAYLYNN: I know, it makes me wanna take a shower. But apparently, Anja needs the weekend to herself for some "homework," so I have to play the nurse.

SPARKY: At least it's almost over. How long can that girl have chicken pox anyway?

JAYLYNN: I have no idea, but I just have to resist the urge to strangle her and I'll be okay.

_Bitch Clock walks in from the kitchen holding a glass of milk._

BITCH CLOCK: This is it. This is what I've been reduced to.

SPARKY: You're drinking milk now?

BITCH CLOCK: I'm just as concerned as you are, but yeah.

SPARKY: Who said I was concerned?

JAYLYNN: I don't get it. It's just milk, what's the big deal?

BITCH CLOCK: I should pour this drink down your shirt for asking a stupid question like that.

JAYLYNN: Then do it. If you're feeling froggy, then jump, bitch.

SPARKY: You could always get some real milk, you know. If you really want a buzz, try Nesquik or Yoohoo.

BITCH CLOCK: Can those get me loaded?

SPARKY: Well, there's the sugar rush, so it's kinda like getting drunk.

BITCH CLOCK: Ugh, it's hopeless. There's only one thing that's worth being sipped by me, and that's booze.

JAYLYNN: Then how come you can't just call off the bet?

BITCH CLOCK: I'm not letting Weight Watchers beat me by forfeit. I've only lost two fights by quitting: One time because I broke my leg and the other guy was trying to cripple me, and the second time was because that girl started biting down on my members.

SPARKY: Ewww.

JAYLYNN: Please, I bet you enjoyed that.

SCENE 10

The Hernandez Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

_A few days later, Lynne is on the couch watching TV when Jaylynn walks up to her with a glass of orange juice._

JAYLYNN: Drink up. You should probably keep the glass.

LYNNE: Why?

JAYLYNN: Because your DNA is going to be all over it, so there's only two options: Either you keep it, or I burn it.

LYNNE: Why can't you be mature for once? You're going to junior high in a year and you're still acting like this?

JAYLYNN: I'm not the one that needs bedtime stories read to them like I'm in preschool.

LYNNE: I'm not your age, though.

JAYLYNN: Doesn't matter. When I was your age, I was fighting girls on the street who were way bigger than me. I have war stories, what do you have?

LYNNE: Half a brain to know you exaggerate all that Portland shit. You were never in the streets, you never robbed anybody, you never moved in the manner on some Jet Li shit and let your hammer blow.

JAYLYNN: What are you talking about? I never shot anybody.

LYNNE: Forget it, I was thinking about this rap song I heard the other day. But what I said still counts. If you really had this hardcore past, why don't you talk about it?

JAYLYNN: You really want to hear about the things I've been through?

LYNNE: If it will get you to quiet down so I can hear what the TV's been through, then go ahead. Entertain me.

JAYLYNN: Okay. I'll always remember the first girl I ever fought. Her name was Rhonda, but everybody in school called her "Brie" because every time she came around, she was smelling like some nasty-ass brie cheese. Or was it mozzarella? You know what, I think at one point, she was eating this sandwich with gorgonzola on it, and she ended up smelling like asiago, so I can't really...

LYNNE: Hey! Do you have any idea what it means to entertain someone?

JAYLYNN: I'm painting a picture here. This is real shit, not that stupid PBS cartoon you watch.

SCENE 11

The Hernandez Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

_It has now shifted into the evening, and Jaylynn is still telling stories about her past. However, at this point, Lynne is fully engaged and paying extra attention. _

LYNNE: Nah, get outta here with that. Are you serious?

JAYLYNN: True story. Sarah came all the way over here to kick my ass because of what happened years ago.

LYNNE: Why? Did she not have a life?

JAYLYNN: I mean, I was a bully back then. I hurt a lot of people and Sarah was one of them.

LYNNE: It's crazy how you two became friends after all that.

JAYLYNN: I know, I know. My life has been something else ever since I moved here. You know what? I didn't tell you this one story, but here we go.

LYNNE: Oh, man, spill the tea.

JAYLYNN: Okay, this one time, I got so freaking cocky, right? I thought I could beat anyone in Portland. And all of a sudden, I'm getting challenged by a girl named Eliza. She was from outside.

LYNNE: You mean, she wasn't from Portland?

JAYLYNN: Right, she moved there from Sacramento, she hadn't been around that long. But she had a reputation. So, I thought, "Hey. She's not so tough. She never faced anybody from my city." So, I'm calling her out, making fun of her and whatnot, and then, BAM! I get clocked so hard upside my head, I almost blacked out.

LYNNE: Shit, what did you do after that?

JAYLYNN: Okay, so I got up after maybe, three minutes on the ground? I'm coming out of it, I'm ready to fight, and then, like an idiot...I did that thing from _The Karate Kid_. You know, the kick?

LYNNE: Oh no!

_Lynne starts laughing._

JAYLYNN: Yeah, I actually thought that would scare her off and she would run away. I get in the stance, and less than a minute later, I'm getting stretched like one of those cheese pretzels at the mall. Like this.

_Jaylynn imitates the position she was in while being stretched, and it causes Lynne to laugh even harder than before._

LYNNE: Damn, man, where has this Jaylynn been?

JAYLYNN: What are you talking about?

LYNNE: I mean, you and your stories, they're awesome. I always thought you were pretending to be from the streets because you had no friends, but you surprised me.

JAYLYNN: Yeah, people tend to think I'm lying until they spend hours laughing at my stories. That's how I got Ashley to be my friend.

LYNNE: You were so cool back then. If I knew you when you were in Portland, we could have been best friends.

JAYLYNN: No, you wouldn't have been the type of person I'd hang with. If you knew Portland Jaylynn, you would have been squashed like a bug.

LYNNE: Maybe.

_Beat._

LYNNE: Hey, you think Anja's right? That this thing between you and me is getting old?

JAYLYNN: I dunno. It's not like we're trying to hate each other. We just do.

LYNNE: Yeah, but I'm just thinking back to when we first met. I actually wanted to be friends with you, but then I realized how much I couldn't stand you.

JAYLYNN: Wait, for real? You didn't just make up your mind the minute you saw me?

LYNNE: No. I mean, Anja cared about you a lot and I figured that you had to be really special. And I guess I didn't see it at the time, but...now, I do.

JAYLYNN: I don't get it, what's going on here?

LYNNE: I think I'm being... nice to you. Like, genuinely nice and no one's forcing me to be.

JAYLYNN: And I think I'm starting to realize that you're not 100% evil!

_Jaylynn and Lynne look at each other with widened eyes, scream, and then run away from each other. Lynne runs into the kitchen and Jaylynn runs upstairs while the instrumental to "Let It Roll" plays briefly in the background._

SCENE 12

The Hernandez Household

Interior Kitchen

Seattle, Washington

_The next morning, Lynne is drinking orange juice at the kitchen table and using her phone when Jaylynn walks in. The two stare at each other awkwardly. _

JAYLYNN: Hey.

LYNNE: Hey.

JAYLYNN: I was, um...going to make some cereal, you want cereal?

LYNNE: No, I'm good.

JAYLYNN: Cool, cool. You know, that's totally cool. Cool like that Jonas Brothers song, that kind of cool.

LYNNE: What?

JAYLYNN: I don't know, kid.

_Beat._

LYNNE: My spots are almost gone. Thanks to you, I'm ready to go back to school.

JAYLYNN: Does it really have to be thanks to me? I mean, Anja contributed a lot.

LYNNE: Yeah, but I know how hard it was for you to suck it up and do this, so...you know, thanks for looking out.

JAYLYNN: Any time, holmes.

_Beat._

JAYLYNN: Okay, what the hell is going on here?

LYNNE: I don't know. I didn't think you wanted to talk about it.

JAYLYNN: Like hell, I didn't want to. I was just waiting for an opening. Don't you realize I never came back down last night?

LYNNE: I thought you went to sleep.

JAYLYNN: At 8:42?!

LYNNE: You could have been doing other things! I'm just a little girl!

JAYLYNN: Me too! Alright, here it is. Last night, I was doing some thinking. And I realized that all this time I spent hating you, I could have tried being nicer to you.

LYNNE: I thought the same thing. I had a dream last night where you and I were best friends. We were doing everything together. We even...

_Lynne gulps._

JAYLYNN: We even what?! What did we even?!

LYNNE: We even called each other besties on Facebook! And you know what? I liked that dream!

JAYLYNN: Oh, Lord. Oh, Lordy Lord, what are we gonna do? People are going to find out about this, and then it's over.

LYNNE: So what if they found out?

JAYLYNN: So what if they...are you on crack?

LYNNE: No! Look, Jaylynn, on some level, I was always jealous of you because I felt like you took Anja away from me. And maybe I acted out all this time because I was hurt. But it doesn't have to be like that anymore. We can move on, put the past behind us, and become...friends.

JAYLYNN: Dude, I don't know. The last time we tried being friends, you turned into some weirdo stalker that wanted to kiss me and shit.

LYNNE: I'm really sorry about that, my mind took things to another place. I don't know.

JAYLYNN: And it's not like I don't want the same thing you want, but we can't just forget about all the things we've said to each other. All the fights we've had, all the dirt we've thrown at each other. As long as you're you and I'm me, there's always going to be bad blood between us.

LYNNE: I know. It's going to take a lot of work. But I think it's worth it. And we don't have to be best friends, but do you really think you can spend the rest of your life hating me?

JAYLYNN: I guess not. Do you?

LYNNE: Not at all. It's time for a change. So, what do you say? Could we at least try being nicer to each other?

_Lynne extends her hand out to Jaylynn. She looks at it with hesitation, then nods._

JAYLYNN: You got a deal.

_Jaylynn shakes Lynne's hand._

LYNNE: So, what do we tell Anja?

JAYLYNN: I don't know. She gave up on us a long time ago. I don't think she's even going to blink.

SCENE 13

The Saleh Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

_That same morning, Jaylynn and Lynne are confronting Anja._

ANJA: I'm throwing a party! No, screw it, I'm throwing two parties! And one of them's going to have an ice sculpture of your handshake!

_Jaylynn and Lynne groan simultaneously. _

SCENE 14

The MacDougal Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

_Bitch Clock is watching TV when he gets a phone call. He checks the caller ID, then picks up._

BITCH CLOCK: Hey, what's up, Big Gary? How's Cabo? _Beat. _Yeah, don't worry about it, you know these women just want attention. Pffft, sexual harassment charge. Anyway, when are you getting back to town? _Beat._ Yeah, of course, that's a first day buy. You know how long I've been waiting for...oh no. No, man, we can't drink it together. I bet my roommate's friend that I could go longer without alcohol than he could without TV. _Beat._ Yeah, I know it sounds dumb on paper, but I can't just call it off. I have to win. _Beat._ Wait, you're right, why _does_ it matter? This is history we're talking about here. I'll go deal with that little punk in a minute. And about the girl, as long as you deny everything and let the cops know she initiated it, she has no case. _Beat._ Alright, bye.

_Bitch Clock hangs up the phone. _

SCENE 15

The Jennings Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

_Bitch Clock walks into the house and sees KG coming downstairs. _

BITCH CLOCK: Where is he?

KG: Oh, look, the reason they invented breathalyzers.

BITCH CLOCK: Kill the corny jokes. Where's your bitch-ass brother?

KG: I don't know, but I know _his_ brother is about to slap up an alarm clock for being flagrant.

BITCH CLOCK: The last thing you want is to get into it with me. I have shooters on payroll for you and the small fry.

KG: If something happens to either me or RK, and Sparky finds out you had something to do with it, do you really think you'll have any legs to stand on?

BITCH CLOCK: Ugh, you guys always pull the Sparky card. Whatever, I'll come back later. This isn't over.

_Bitch Clock leaves the house._

KG: Why does this guy still think he's a gangster?

_Cut to outside the house as Bitch Clock sees RK getting out of his car. RK looks up and sees Bitch Clock staring him down._

RK: If you're planning to kill me, don't you think you should be a little more crafty?

BITCH CLOCK: Relax, I'm not here to hurt you. I have a business proposition for you.

RK: Okay, what is it?

BITCH CLOCK: I think this bet's run its course and we need to do away with it before it hurts our relationship.

RK: What relationship? You make me sick!

BITCH CLOCK: And you thought that before the bet, so what's the point of keeping it alive?

RK: Forget it. What's the real reason you're calling it off?

BITCH CLOCK: McDaniels Malt Liquor.

RK: Oh boy.

BITCH CLOCK: The release date is almost here and I already planned to head down to the liquor store with Big Gary on the first day. This is history, man. Do you know how much of a square I would be if I don't drink it when it comes out?

RK: A square that needs an honest job?

BITCH CLOCK: Jennings, this is bigger than you and me. I know damn well you can't stand the fact that TV is off limits. Come on, kid, free the both of us from this burden.

RK: Look, do I miss spending time with Earl? Of course, I do. But a little separation is good for the both of us. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder.

BITCH CLOCK: Earl? Fatty, I don't care about your favorite stuffed animal, I'm trying to call off the bet here.

RK: Alright, you just lost all my interest in this. I'm going inside.

_RK walks past Bitch Clock and heads for the front door._

RK: If you wanna take a drink, take a drink. But if you do, just know you'll be a bigger loser than you already are.

_RK opens the door, then closes it. Cut to Bitch Clock growling._

SCENE 16

David Zuckerman Elementary School

Interior Lunchroom

Seattle, Washington

_A few days later, a chicken pox-free Lynne is having lunch with her friends Farrazhan, Aliya, and Melissa._

MELISSA: So I just kept poking at it and poking at it until all this blood started coming out. I knew I had to think fast, so I sucked the blood up and honestly, it wasn't half bad. Like a really tangy sauce.

ALIYA: I'm getting tired of telling you this, but when we eat, that's usually when we don't want you to talk.

FARRAZHAN: So Lynne, how was the chicken pox? Did you throw up?

LYNNE: No, but I felt like it. I'm just glad it's over.

ALIYA: Well, you look great. Anja must have done a great job taking care of you.

LYNNE: Yeah, she did, but Jaylynn helped out too.

MELISSA: Jaylynn? What was that jackass doing touching you?

LYNNE: Anja made her help out, and it really wasn't that bad. She tells the best stories.

FARRAZHAN: Oh no, are you starting to think Jaylynn's cool? You don't remember what she did to you?

ALIYA: Yeah, the person you always make sure to call "the biggest bitch on the planet," just so we don't forget it?

MELISSA: And she's also a carpet muncher?

FARRAZHAN: Melissa, that's too far.

MELISSA: Oh, so everybody shits on Jaylynn, but me pointing out her weird girl crushes is taking it too far?

LYNNE: I don't know, Jaylynn being lesbian never bothered me like that. It was always things like her personality flaws, the way she...

ALIYA: Wait. Was? As in, past tense?

MELISSA: Oh my God, you're in love with her!

LYNNE: Will you guys shut up? I misspoke. I'm not in love with Jaylynn, I don't think she's cool, and I'll never, ever be friends with someone like her. So, just drop the issue.

FARRAZHAN: It's cool, Lynne. I just needed some clarification.

MELISSA: Yeah, I'm sorry. Maybe she's just in love with you, that's all.

_Farrazhan, Aliya, and Lynne all give Melissa blank stares._

MELISSA: What? I thought we were all in agreement there.

SCENE 17

The MacDougal Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

_That night, Sparky and Buster are watching TV when Bitch Clock walks into the room._

BITCH CLOCK: You guys are that obsessed with _Fight Night_?

BUSTER: It's organized violence. What's wrong with that?

BITCH CLOCK: Nothing, but...oh no, the commercials.

_("No One Can Do It Better" by The D.O.C. plays in the background of the commercial)_

_An old white man in a sultan's robe and several younger women in bikinis walk into a pool hall. Everybody takes notice of the man as he arrives and stands in place. A waiter offers him a bottle of McDaniels Malt Liquor on a silver platter. The man takes the bottle and begins drinking it, then mouths the words "No one can do it better" to match the "No one can do it better" vocal sample on the song itself._

VOICEOVER: Your best competition is always yourself. This is quality. This is life. This is the world as we see it. This is McDaniels.

_As "No One Can Do It Better" plays in the background, the old man has the time of his life in the pool hall. He wins several games of pool and collects money from the players he beats, goes through cases of McDaniels Malt Liquor, and smokes Cuban cigars while laughing. __Finally, the commercial cuts to a close-up of a McDaniels can on a stool in front of a black backdrop, with the taglines "No One Does It Like Us" and "Coming Soon" in white lettering on the side._

VOICEOVER: It's lonely at the top in whatever you do, but we can handle it.

BITCH CLOCK: I can't believe I'm going to miss the release date. Why do bad things always happen to good people?

BUSTER: You sure you want to include yourself with good people?

SPARKY: Bitch Clock, why don't you just call off the bet? RK's not going to mind.

BITCH CLOCK: I already tried doing that. He won't let me get out of this. He wants to embarrass me and strip me of my manly essence.

BUSTER: Then why don't you just have a drink and the bet's over?

BITCH CLOCK: Because that's exactly what he wants me to do. He wants me to embarrass myself and strip myself of my own manly essence.

BUSTER: I don't get it, which is it? You're confusing me!

SPARKY: I guess there's only one thing left: You have to make RK crack. He loses, you don't have to call off the bet, and you don't get stripped of whatever the hell your manly essence is.

BITCH CLOCK: That's a genius idea. But how do I do it? How do I approach it?

_Beat._

BITCH CLOCK: Eh, it's too much work. I'll think about it tomorrow. Or the day after, maybe.

_Bitch Clock walks upstairs. _

SPARKY: I swear, I have no idea what he wants out of this.

BUSTER: Sparky, we just have to face the facts. Alcoholics don't always make the best decisions.

SCENE 18

Pacific Place

Interior Cinnabon

Seattle, Washington

_A few days later, Jaylynn and Lynne are laughing while eating cinnamon buns at the mall._

JAYLYNN: I'm telling you, it was the most I ever cried watching someone get beat up. I just wish they spit on her, that would have killed me.

LYNNE: Man, Jaylynn, I wish I gave you a chance years ago.

JAYLYNN: Same here. But I guess it all worked out in the end. Wait a minute, something's wrong.

LYNNE: What?

JAYLYNN: There's not a lot of icing on your cinnamon bun.

LYNNE: Yeah, that's the way I like it.

JAYLYNN: What? Lynne, eating junk food is like art. You're telling a story through what you eat. Look at your icing and look at mine. What's the difference?

LYNNE: You're a lot closer to bypass surgery than I am?

JAYLYNN: The difference is, I'm trying to tell a story. Give me a minute, I'll show you the proper way to do it.

_Jaylynn takes Lynne's cinnamon bun and goes to the counter. _

LYNNE: Alright, man, I trust you.

_Lynne chuckles and her eyes widen when she sees Farrazhan, Aliya, and Melissa walk into Cinnabon. She gasps and immediately hides under the table. Jaylynn comes back with Lynne's cinnamon bun, now with far more icing than before._

JAYLYNN: I'm back with your canvas. Lynne? Where did you go?

LYNNE: Down here.

JAYLYNN: What the hell are you doing under the table?

LYNNE: Under the table? Oh, yeah, right. See, what had happened was, I dropped my lucky penny somewhere under here and I'm trying to find it before someone takes my luck away from me. I'm really superstitious like that.

_Jaylynn sees Lynne's friends try to find a table, and then looks back at Lynne._

JAYLYNN: Penny or not, it's your lucky day 'cause I'm leaving.

_Jaylynn walks out of the restaurant and Lynne goes after her._

LYNNE: Jaylynn! Jaylynn, wait, it's not what you think!

JAYLYNN: You never told your friends we're cool now and you're worried they'll think you're a loser for hanging out with me, so you're hiding from them.

LYNNE: Okay, you're in the ballpark, but how do you know I was hiding from _them_? It could have been anybody.

JAYLYNN: I know what your friends look like. I've seen pictures of them before.

LYNNE: Those pictures might not even be real.

JAYLYNN: It's amazing how even when we're friends, you can't stop pissing me off.

LYNNE: Look, Jaylynn, it's not like I'm ashamed of you. I'm having a lot of fun, it's just that they wouldn't understand. It's complicated shit, you know?

JAYLYNN: Yeah, I get it. Listen, if you need to keep your reputation or whatever, it's fine. But I meant what I said before. As long as you're you and I'm me, the bad blood will always be there. I'll see you around.

_Jaylynn walks away while Lynne sighs and hangs her head in shame._

SCENE 19

The Jennings Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

_That same afternoon, RK walks into the house and heads for the kitchen. _

EARL: Why have you betrayed me, RK?

_RK stands in place and walks backwards towards the TV._

RK: Earl? Is that you?

EARL: Yes. And you've been very disrespectful towards me for many weeks now.

RK: No, Earl, you don't understand. It's just a bet with Bitch Clock, it doesn't mean anything.

EARL: Of course, it means something, you asshole!

_Beat._

EARL: I'm sorry. I didn't mean to react like that, but you've really hurt me. We have so many memories, RK. Think about the memories that we have with each other.

RK: We have amazing memories. I remember the day we first bought you home. And I remember the first thing I watched on you. It was that _Full House _episode where Stephanie thought this boy asked her out on a date, but it really wasn't a date.

EARL: Amazing story. RK, we go way back. What's the point of this bet? To win against some handsome alarm clock?

RK: Bitch Clock isn't handsome.

EARL: Some people would disagree. RK, watch me. Just an episode. Nobody has to know a thing.

RK: You're right. It will just be our little secret. Let me make sure the perimeter's secure.

_RK looks around and sees if anybody is coming from the kitchen, the stairs, or the front door._

RK: Looks secure to me.

_RK tries to find the remote and sees it on the floor. He picks it up and smiles._

RK: Hello, old friend.

KG _(O.S.)_: RK?

RK: GAH!

_RK drops the remote and turns his head to see KG at the steps._

KG: Bro, what are you doing?!

RK: You know what happened, KG? I was minding my own business, just trying to get an afternoon snack, when all of a sudden, this remote levitated right into my head. It was calling me, man. It was begging to be used and I almost died trying to fight it off.

KG: Stop lying.

RK: Okay, I'm giving in! This is my moment of weakness, alright? I'm pretty sure watching one show won't hurt, Earl said so!

KG: You were talking to the TV?

RK: No, Earl was talking to me. I mean, duh, how else would I be in this situation?

KG: Look, RK, you won't feel right knowing Bitch Clock never caved and you're over here trying to get by on a technicality. You need to prove you're the better man fair and square.

RK: Ugh, you sound like a Boy Scout. Can you make me some Kool Aid so I can get over my pain?

KG: But you already know how to make Kool Aid.

RK: Does my pain mean nothing to you?!

_Beat._

KG: Alright, I'll make the Kool Aid.

RK: YES! I want orange. No, no, grape because I had orange last time. And put in extra sugar because that's the only way a person should be drinking Kool Aid.

_RK and KG walk into the kitchen. At that point, an unidentified man with a microphone and a wire attached to him appears from behind the TV. He looks around and leaves the house, then runs to a moving truck across the street. Cut to inside the truck, where a bored Bitch Clock and another unidentified man are playing with their surveillance gear. The man walks inside the truck._

HOWARD: Hey Bitch Clock, your plan to make that kid lose didn't work. His brother came down, saw the whole thing, and now, he's getting some Kool Aid.

BITCH CLOCK: Howard, you know how surveillance works, right?

HOWARD: Yes.

BITCH CLOCK: So you know me and Antwan heard literally everything that happened, right?

HOWARD: Yes.

BITCH CLOCK: Then why are you giving me a play-by-play when I KNOW MY PLAN DIDN'T F***ING WORK?!

_Beat._

HOWARD: You're still gonna pay me, right?

SCENE 20

The MacDougal Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

_That night, the kids are all talking on the couch, but the TV is off._

BUSTER: You know, recapping just feels so weird without the TV.

RK: Well, deal with it. If I have to keep sacrificing my pride and joy, then you should have no problem making concessions for me.

BUSTER: Damn, man, tell me how you really feel.

SPARKY: I wanna get back on topic. So, Lynne dissed you in front of all her friends?

JAYLYNN: Not exactly. She just proved she's ashamed of me by hiding under the table.

WADE: Jaylynn, I know it sucks, but maybe this happened for a reason. With all the animosity you and Lynne had, a friendship can't be sustainable for that long.

SPARKY: Yeah, if she's willing to make it seem like you don't exist, you don't need her as a friend.

JAYLYNN: That's the thing. I actually want her as a friend. I just wish she'd grow up and stop caring what other people think.

BUSTER: Peer pressure isn't easy for anybody. Like in third grade, RK forced me to eat this bug. I told him I didn't want to, but he shoved it down my throat and I threw up twice that day.

RK: I only did that because you tricked me into dunking my head in the toilet, just so you could give me a swirlie.

BUSTER: All the kids were doing swirlies back then!

JAYLYNN: I feel like I need an origin story about you guys or some kind of...

_Lynne walks into the house at that point._

LYNNE: I'm sorry, was I supposed to knock or do people just walk in?

SPARKY: Wow, she's following you now. Maybe that's a good thing?

JAYLYNN: I'll handle this outside. Come on, let's do this.

_Jaylynn walks out of the house and Lynne looks back at the guys, who are all staring angrily at her. She becomes disappointed and leaves._

JAYLYNN: Lynne...how did you find me here?

LYNNE: Anja said you guys discuss random stuff here all the time. I was just taking a shot.

JAYLYNN: Good, I thought this was a repeat of last time. What do you want?

LYNNE: I just wanted to say sorry for what happened at the mall today. I didn't know what to do, I saw my friends and I panicked.

JAYLYNN: That's cool. We don't need to be friends. And we don't need to be enemies, either. We just won't acknowledge each other anymore and that's it.

LYNNE: Jaylynn, stop it. This isn't easy. I spent years telling my friends that you were the worst person that ever existed. I can't just flip the switch and tell them we're buddies now. I don't know how they're gonna take it.

JAYLYNN: Just do it. F*** how they take it, it's about what you want.

LYNNE: Yeah, like that's so easy to do. I bet your friends aren't cool with it.

JAYLYNN: I actually told them ten minutes before you showed up. It wasn't hard.

_Cut to a scene from earlier at Sparky's house, with the caption reading "Ten Minutes Ago."_

JAYLYNN: Lynne and I are friends now.

SPARKY: Wait, what?

BUSTER: You're kidding.

RK: This is incredible.

WADE: How did that happen?

JAYLYNN: I was taking care of her while she had chicken pox, I told her my Portland stories, and we realized we don't need to hate each other anymore. Turns out we have more in common than we thought.

SPARKY: Okay, cool.

RK: Nice work, Jay.

_Beat._

JAYLYNN: But, see, at the mall today...

_Cut back to the present day._

LYNNE: Well, that's not fair. Your friends are way cooler than mine.

JAYLYNN: Lynne, let me ask you something. Do you still hate me?

LYNNE: No. I don't even feel like insulting you anymore.

JAYLYNN: And do you want to be my friend? I mean, be my friend for real, not just some "go back to the status quo at the last minute" shit?

LYNNE: Yes, I really want to be your friend.

JAYLYNN: Then tell your friends that. If they're really down for you, they shouldn't care who you hang out with.

LYNNE: But what if they still hate you? I don't want you dealing with that.

JAYLYNN: My best friend's sister hated me for years. It's not going to kill me.

_Lynne smiles, then sighs._

SCENE 21

The Saleh Apartment

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

_The next day, Lynne has invited Farrazhan, Aliya, and Melissa to her apartment._

FARRAZHAN: Lynne, is everything okay?

MELISSA: Yeah, you wanted an emergency meeting here?

LYNNE: Yes, because it's time to stop being scared and just tell you guys the truth.

ALIYA: Oh no. Are you renouncing your faith?!

LYNNE: What? No. I just wanted to introduce you to my new friend.

_Jaylynn appears from behind the couch and walks up to Lynne as she stands next to her._

JAYLYNN: What's up, ladies?

MELISSA: I think I'm gonna be sick.

FARRAZHAN: Lynne, is this some kind of joke?

LYNNE: No. And I don't care what you guys think. I've been mean to Jaylynn for years. Yelled at her, hit her in the face, made her my assistant. But I actually got to know her and I realized she's one of the coolest people around. I was wrong about her. And you don't have to like it, but you're gonna deal with it.

ALIYA: I don't know how to feel about this.

JAYLYNN: I don't really care how you feel.

LYNNE: What she said. I'm done hating Jaylynn. And if you have a problem with her, you have a problem with me. So, what's it gonna be?

_Beat._

FARRAZHAN: You know, we never really got to know Jaylynn, either. We just heard the stories.

MELISSA: Yeah, like how you stole Lynne's clothes and made sure they got lost at sea.

JAYLYNN: I never stole your clothes.

LYNNE: I just really wanted them to hate you. So, are we good here?

ALIYA: You know what? If you're cool with Jaylynn now, I'm cool with Jaylynn too.

FARRAZHAN: Yeah, everybody deserves a chance.

MELISSA: The lesbian chick might not be so bad. But I have a question for you, lesbian chick. Why are you so in love with Anja? What's up with that shit?

JAYLYNN: I'm not in love with Anja anymore. That's ancient history.

MELISSA: Oh no, she turned you down? I'm sorry, man, rejection is tough.

_Cut to black._

_("Bad Name" by Gang Starr plays over the end credits)_

_EPILOGUE_

The MacDougal Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

_Sparky and RK are watching TV when Bitch Clock walks in carrying several plastic bags full of alcohol._

BITCH CLOCK: Damn, it feels good to grab a 40-ounce like when I was in college.

RK: You went to college?

BITCH CLOCK: Yeah, for a year or two. Then I realized it was bullshit, dropped out, and actually tried doing something with my life.

RK: I'm just going to keep doing what I was doing.

SPARKY: So, how's the McDaniels treating you?

BITCH CLOCK: Man, I already had two bottles, it's an experience. Picture the best sex you ever had.

SPARKY: I'm ten.

BITCH CLOCK: Okay, well, for me, that's what it is. Time to go inside the attic, get hammered, and order all the Mexican food I can handle.

_Bitch Clock runs upstairs with his bags._

SPARKY: So, who caved first?

RK: Nobody caved. He paid me $200 to call off the bet and pretend it never happened.

SPARKY: I thought you really wanted to win.

RK: I did until he finally decided to speak my language. Besides, it's TV. No challenge is worth giving all this up.

_RK begins cackling at something on the TV and falls to the floor. He then starts banging his fists on the floor while his eyes water and Sparky just stares at him._

SPARKY: I guess good things _can _last forever.

_Cut to black._

©2019 ANDERSON PRODUCTIONS


	2. Weekend at Jaylynn's Backstage Pass

_PRODUCTION/CULTURAL REFERENCES (written 12/22/19-12/23/19)_

-Like "Body Language," this was an episode that I came up with earlier this year, and it was an idea that I knew would be perfect for season eight. However, when I first came up with it, it excited me so much, I was thinking about including it in season seven. If season eight wasn't the last season, I definitely would have done this episode in season seven.

-I didn't really have any goals for season eight, but one thing I did want was to wrap up certain things and have the characters go through some kind of change. I wanted some sense of finality and closure. There have been things like the characters moving up a grade and KG getting his first job, but this is the first episode this season where a relationship between characters changed. And it was the end of a story that had been told since the third season.

-This was the episode that I was the most excited to write before the season started. Episodes revolving around Jaylynn and Lynne's feud have made good material before ("Thank You for Being an Enemy," "When Satan Takes the Wheel," "Reality Bites III"), but this is the first time they start analyzing the feud and wondering what the point is in continuing to hate each other. Even if this wasn't the last season, I feel like I would have gotten tired of Jaylynn and Lynne hating each other at some point and an episode like this would have happened anyway.

-I think on some level, I was probably trying to get Jaylynn and Lynne to this point. I hinted at Lynne not hating Jaylynn as much as she lets on ("The Valentine's Dance"), and in "Reality Bites III," Jaylynn begins to understand Lynne somewhat and see a little bit of herself in her. Then last season, Lynne tried helping Jaylynn with no benefit for herself ("Master of Her Universe"). Even though she made the problem worse and ended up getting Jaylynn in more trouble, she genuinely thought she was doing the right thing. So, maybe this episode was inevitable.

-When it was time to write this episode, I knew I didn't want a rehashing of "Thank You for Being an Enemy." In that one, Jaylynn and Lynne become friends, but Lynne ends up pushing Jaylynn away due to being obsessive and clingy, bordering on an attraction for her. I looked back at that episode a while ago and I feel like I might have taken it too far. While I wanted to show how Lynne as a friend was possibly worse than Lynne as an enemy, it made Lynne come off as pathetic and desperate, wanting nothing more than to gain Jaylynn's acceptance and spend all of her time with her. This was my opportunity to tell a new story with the same basic concept. Lynne not wanting to tell her friends about her newfound friendship with Jaylynn and being insecure about it is more realistic than her going from hating Jaylynn to potentially being in love with Jaylynn in less than five minutes.

-Another thing that I knew I didn't want was for Jaylynn and Lynne to go back to hating each other like in "Thank You for Being an Enemy." That's why I have Jaylynn ask Lynne if she is really serious about being friends, and not just planning on going back to the status quo at the end. I don't know what Jaylynn and Lynne's dynamic will be now that they're friends, but it will probably be similar to Jaylynn and RK's dynamic, where they occasionally take shots back and forth but still have genuine care for each other.

-I don't remember when or how I came up with the subplot, but I just knew it would be really funny pairing RK and Bitch Clock together. However, what sparked the bet was something that I was lucky to come across. Two days before I started writing the episode, I saw a YouTube video showing a boxing match from the 1980s, followed by this really cheesy commercial advertising Schlitz Malt Liquor. I ended up finding other Schlitz commercials and decided to not only parody how ridiculous 80s commercials could be, but use it as the catalyst for RK and Bitch Clock's bet. This is also where _Washington State Fight Night _came from, because the boxing match looked like something you would find on a local public access station that nobody watches.

-The episode title is a reference to the 1989 film _Weekend at Bernie's_.

-The McDaniels Malt Liquor commercial references an old slogan for the soft drink 7 Up: "Crisp and clean, and no caffeine." I also got the federal agents dancing on the side of the road from the music video for "Everybody Wants to Rule the World" by Tears for Fears.

-I first read about the "Homer in the Gloamin'" from this book about baseball history in junior high. I always remembered Gabby Hartnett's name and I was just looking for some random fact for RK to spit out.

-The "Help!" montage was inspired by a similar sequence in the _Full House _episode "Cutting It Close," which also used a "Help!" cover.

-When questioning Jaylynn's past, Lynne references lyrics from "Get Down" by Nas: "But I moved in a manner, on some Jet Li shit/I let the hammers blow, wet three kids."

-One of the stories Jaylynn tells to entertain Lynne references the events of the season three episode "The Karma Machine." This episode marked the debut appearance of Jaylynn's friend Sarah Bennett.

-Jaylynn references the iconic crane kick from the 1984 film _The Karate Kid_.

-In the kitchen the next morning, Jaylynn references the song "Cool" by the Jonas Brothers.

-There was a scene I was really close to writing where RK has a dream of being shown some of his greatest memories watching television by Earl himself. It would have inspired him to try and get the bet called off, but I guess once the story started being told more from Bitch Clock's perspective, my mind went in another direction.

-"The Dating Game" is the name of the _Full House _episode that RK was referencing.

-When I found out about the new Gang Starr album _One of the Best Yet_, I knew I was going to use a song or two from the album on the show. For this episode, I was originally going to use "From a Distance" before I settled on "Bad Name."


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